


Even The Simplest Decision Can Overwhelm the Mind

by Illusinia



Series: Dogs Are Love [2]
Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-31
Updated: 2014-12-31
Packaged: 2018-03-04 12:43:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3068360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Illusinia/pseuds/Illusinia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Skye finds Ward on the floor of the kitchen.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Even The Simplest Decision Can Overwhelm the Mind

Silence met Skye as she walked through the Playground's halls. It was almost eerie, the silence, except for the fact it was silent because everyone else was in operations and the one person who wasn't (Ward) happened to be a damn ninja. She wasn't sure where he was, but presumably it involved a book or training. It was Ward after all.

 

Her stomach gave a loud growl, reminding her exactly what she was doing. Right- food. She'd been basically locked in the security station the last three days trying to track a new threat and surviving on poptarts and chips. When she'd finally finished last night at 2 am, she'd crashed out like a sack on her bed without even considering food. Now that the pressure to find everything she could was gone though, her apatite had returned with a vengeance.

 

Turning a corner, Skye noted the light flooding from under the door to the kitchen. Apparently someone else was hungry too, which probably meant Ward given everyone else was locked up in the operations center. _Huh, maybe the robot finally decided to eat._ It seemed like he never ate anymore, which was weird because Skye knew he could cook. He was actually very good at it. But it still felt like he didn't eat. 

 

Stepping into the kitchen, Skye felt the greeting on the tip of her tongue die. Ward was no where to be found nor was anyone else, but every cabinet in the kitchen was open along with the fridge. Furrowing her brow, she slowly stepped into the kitchen, prepared for anything. A plate was resting, empty, on the counter; combined with the open cabinets, it was pretty obvious someone had been making lunch and been pulled away. Probably Trip and Simmons based on how many cabinets were open. Or someone had been having a really hard time deciding what they wanted to eat.

 

Shaking her head, Skye began moving around the room closing cabinets. It wasn't like whoever'd been there earlier couldn't reopen everything anyway. They probably hadn't meant to leave everything open anyway.

 

It was only after the refrigerator door snapped shut with a soft hiss when Skye finally heard the noise: soft, barely audible, but distinctive all the same. Whimpering. Someone or something was whimpering.

 

Turning slowly away from the fridge, Skye carefully focused on the sound. It was near by, she knew that much. It was impossible to tell who or what was making the noise, though. She wouldn't be surprised to find an animal hiding in the kitchen. Could Ward have found a stray? It was the kind of thing he'd do.

 

Rounding the center island slowly as she scanned the room, Skye nearly jumped out of her skin when a person suddenly came into view curled against the central island. A whimpering, fetal ball of a person. A person with dark hair and very broad shoulders.

 

“Ward?” asked Skye in surprise. The ball the looked like Ward didn't react. “Ward, what happened?”

 

A shifting of Ward's shoulders and a noise that might have been sniffling were his only response.

 

Concerned, Skye knelt next to the former specialist and pressed a hand softly against his lower leg. Ward shifted a bit, but otherwise didn't respond. He just remained curled in a ball, unresponsive. It was terrifying.

 

Forcing herself to remain patient, Skye shifted so she was sitting on the ground and positioned herself in front of Ward. Her hand shifted to his knee, squeezing slightly but otherwise unmoving as she waited for whatever this was to pass. Well, she hoped it passed. She didn't want to think they might have permanently broken Ward. Though she wasn't sure how they could have broken him, either.

 

Well, no more than he already was at least.

 

It felt like forever before he finally spoke, his voice little more than a tight whisper. “I don’t know what to do.”

 

Skye would never admit that she had been half holding her breath as she waited for Ward to do something (anything) other than cower against the counter. Just hearing him speak helped her relax. His statement didn't really make sense though; what had he even been doing?  
  


“What to do about what?” asked Skye gently, her hand rising to rub against his shoulder. Did it have something to do with all the cabinets being open?  
  


Ward just made an upset noise in his throat and buried his face further in his arms, though he leaned closer to Skye. His distress was apparent, though she didn't understand what exactly had happened. It almost looked like he'd been making food when something or someone upset him. Maybe a bad memory? That had been happening more and more recently. It could be he had a momentary flash of reality, too. Not to say that Ward didn't live in reality, but there were times his circumstances and everything that had happened to him in his life seemed to hit harder than normal. Like when Skye had dragged him to an amusement park. It turned out he'd never been to one in his life and the experience was almost overwhelming for him, both from the park itself and the fact his life was so messed up that he'd never had the chance at the experience before that moment.

 

“Did something happen?” asked Skye gently, hoping a yes or no question might make this easier.

 

Beside Skye, Ward shook his head no but kept himself folded into a ball. It was pretty clear something had  _happened_ regardless of what Ward said, this just meant it wasn't a specific event that had caused his reaction. It would be harder to figure that out if he wasn't willing to talk.

 

She was attempting to figure out what to do next when Ward lifted his head. He never turned to look directly at her, but it didn't matter. What she could see from the profile of his face explained everything. Ward was overwhelmed. Whatever he'd been doing had completely overwhelmed him and he had no idea what to do. Suddenly, the abandoned plate and open cabinets made complete sense.

 

“Ward,” murmured Skye, wrapping her arms around the bigger man as her heart broke slowly. “What happened?”

 

“I don't know,” murmured Ward, dropping his head against her shoulder as he finally turn to her, his arms encircled her waist like she could save him. It scared the crap out of her, but she'd become accustomed to the move all the same. For whatever reason, she made him feel safe and she wouldn't deny him that. “I just...I couldn't figure out what to eat.” A touch of tension spiked through his voice, highlighting the tail edge of panic. It was like his previous breakdown in the prison in some ways, but far less severe and violent. Despite his clear former distress though, a dry laugh left his throat, disparaging and a touch angry. “God that sounds pathetic.”

 

Skye felt her heart break for the man in her arms, but she offered no counterargument. Whenever she tried to argue back that he wasn't pathetic or weak, it only seemed to make things worse for him. A few times, he'd even punched the walls. He'd never threatened or hurt anyone, never even come close, but his knuckles had bled a few times. The outbursts were always in private, usually with him hiding away from the others, but they always knew. The damage to his knuckles was telling.

 

Still, she couldn't tell him what to do either- couldn't break any of the progress he'd made. She knew he got frustrated when people wouldn't tell him what to do and he couldn't decide himself, but he needed to learn to stand on his own. They'd been forcing him to make his own decisions for a month and everyone adhered to a single, very strict rule: don't tell Ward what to do under any circumstances. Ward wasn't in the field, so there was no danger involved in the rule and it had proven good for him overall.

 

Things like this were expected to happen of course and it wouldn't be the last time she found him laying on the floor in distress, but the breakdown was a mark of progress. It was a sign that he was facing the reality of how much he'd depended on others and that he was coming to terms with his co-dependence. Skye didn't like it, but even Ward's psychologist in the prison, Calgrove, had agreed it would help if he was taken outside of a structured and rigid system to be left to his own devices. Frustration and anger would occur of course, but Calgrove had been confident Ward would adapt. He'd warned them Ward would become frustrated at times and might lash out verbally, but he'd given them strict orders not to aggravate the specialist and given them his contact information in case there was trouble.

 

Even with Calgrove's orders though, Skye was very careful to ensure Ward didn't get pushed so far that he regressed. He needed to be comfortable making his own decisions, not overly frustrated by the process. Which sometimes meant offering him a way out without giving him directions, something simple she might do for anyone they worked with.

 

“I was gonna make some lunch myself,” remarked Skye casually, careful to keep her neutral. “Want me to make you something, too?” It was an option he could choose to take, not something she was saying she'd do even if he didn't want her to. Technically, she was only bending Coulson's rules to ensure Ward didn't get too frustrated. At least, that was the argument she'd make if Coulson ever asked her about it.

 

The look Ward gave her should have been reserved for a goddess. “Yes, thank you.”

 

And just like that, the decision on what to make was off his shoulders and on hers. One less decision he needed to make in that moment. One brief period where he didn't have to worry about what he was going to do next.

 

Carefully, Skye untangled herself from Ward's grasp and climbed up from the floor. She'd throw something together for them both, no harm done. Ward needed to make his own decisions from now on and he needed to get used to it, but he'd survived a month on his own already and the fact that he broke over what to eat for lunch was a testament to his exhaustion. They were forcing him to learn complete social self-sufficiency in a short time rather than easing him in, but that didn't mean Skye couldn't make him a sandwich now and then. Nor that she couldn't make everyone dinner tonight to cover his break. He'd have to make his own decisions about what to do for the rest of the day, but she could take some of that burden away.

 

“So, what are you doing after lunch?” asked Skye casually, placing both plates on the table when she'd finished preparing them food and walking around the island to offer Ward a hand up.

 

“Don't know,” sighed Ward, taking her hands and letting her tug him up. “What are you doing?”

 

Skye paused in her answer, recognizing his tactic. When Ward didn't know what to do or didn't have an answer, he'd cling to them under the guise of feigned interest. It had marked signs of a dependency problem, but they'd started try to rectify it by telling him it didn't matter what they did. But today, Skye wasn't sure what to say. The lost look still hadn't left his face, despite his clear frustration with his inability to even make his own lunch.

 

“Working,” stated Skye at last, going the route of vague rather than silence. “But I bought some new books and movies back with me last time I was out. They're in the living room if you want.”

 

The uneasy way Ward nodded reflected his distress at the thought of more choices. It had been shocking to realize Ward wasn't even sure what kind of movies he liked or what books. Garrett really had stripped all of his independence away form him in those woods and it made Skye hate the dead man even more. “If I grab a book, would you mind if I sat with you?”

 

Skye's eyebrows furrowed in concern at his request. It wasn't weird that he'd ask to stay with her, but he didn't like to read when she was working. Apparently, she talked to herself a lot. It said a lot that he didn't want to be alone. Then again, who knew how long he'd been alone for before she'd wondered into the kitchen. With the others preoccupied with work and her locked in her little nook, he might have been alone for a bit. It wasn't a problem before everyone had stopped giving him directions, but after, it seemed like he really had no idea what to do with himself. There weren't missions to train for and he didn't have any work to do. There was no direction in his life that he didn't give himself and it seemed to cause a lot of distress. Distress that seemed to dissipate when others were around, even if they weren't telling him what to do. Skye suspected he liked the distraction of other people and she'd support whatever coping mechanism he used so long as it wouldn't cause him to regress into old habits.

 

And if he was asking to sit with her while she worked, knowing she'd be ignoring him, then he didn't want to be alone. Then another thought crossed her mind. “I have another option if you want.”

 

Ward tensed visibly, gripping his sandwich hard enough Skye thought he might crush the bread and cheese in his tight grip. Still, he nodded slowly. “Sure.”

 

“I downloaded a Battleship app on my tablet,” explained Skye, offering him a smile. “You could play Battleship with the computer.”

 

Ward's eyes lit up at the mention of Battleship, a reaction Skye filed away for later use. That could be something she used in the future when he was showing signs of being overwhelmed; she'd learned what the signs were quickly and had been looking for ways to alleviate that stress to avoid situations like this. It was impossible to say how long he could have been sitting there before someone found him if she hadn't been starving.

 

“Yes,” stated Ward almost immediately, his mood brightening noticeably.

 

Smiling a bit, Skye bit into her sandwich. When she'd found the app, Ward had immediately crossed her mind. Seeing the way his eyes lit up at the thought of playing the simple game, even against a computer, was a huge relief. It was something he enjoyed himself, not something he'd been trained to enjoy, and finding those gems were her personal goal. He might not be able to beat her at Battleship, but he enjoyed the game and it gave him a situation where he felt confident in his decision making skills. That combination was the key to really helping him. And every time she found one more piece, it showed her everything they were doing was entirely worth the pain for him. He'd be whole again some day, they just all had to be patient.


End file.
